Why Abuse Victims Don't Report

Safe to Hope Podcast July 22, 2025

Photo by Artem Maltsev on Unsplash

I wish I had a dollar for every time I heard someone say, “Why didn’t they just report?” For many, when a victim comes forward with their story years after the abuse occurred this seems to be a red flag. Failure to report immediately causes people to doubt the veracity of the claim.

Carya actually brought up this question in Episode 9 of Safe to Hope Season 6. To better unpack the answer, we asked advocate and attorney Rachael Denhollander. We wondered, what are the barriers victims face in reporting abuse to authorities? What are the reasons they often don’t report? Here are just a few examples from Rachael’s answer:

1. The authorities are complicit in the abuse - Carya herself faced this challenge - men and women who participated in her abuse arrived at her room wearing police uniforms. Regardless of whether the uniforms they donned were authentic, this act erodes any trust a victim might have that the police could be a source of comfort and aid. Not only does it erode trust, but it can also exasperate the danger of reporting for a victim.

2. Lack of awareness - For some, especially children raised in abusive systems, their experience has taught them that this is simply how life is. An adult who was controlled by such a system since childhood may not be able to recognize that the abuse is abnormally harmful or illegal. Rachael stated this beautifully in Episode 10 - “Experience shapes your perception of reality.”

3. The process is too grueling - The start to finish trial process for a victim is challenging under the best of circumstances. Describing the abuse to others is invasive and vulnerable. Testifying in court in front of your abuser takes profound courage. Until the trial is over, your life is on hold. The same loss of autonomy experienced under the abuse is now experienced again under the state. Some victims may find the abuse itself has zapped their strength and don’t have enough to face the aftermath of reporting.

4. The odds of successful prosecution and remedy are low - Conviction rates in sexual assault cases are shocking. NBC News recently explored rates around the country and found that some jurisdictions were under 2%.¹

5. “No one will believe me” - Sometimes reporting feels futile because a victim has little reason to trust that others will believe their story. To not be believed is crushing. It tells a victim that their perception, emotions, and experience are wrong.

6. The cost is too high - The cost of reporting is brutally high in many circumstances. A recent New York Magazine article explored the lives of several women who came forward during the #MeToo movement. Rather than finding justice and healing, these women have been ostracized and targeted by their communities. The cost has included lost homes, communities, possessions, and vehicles. One victim was run off the road by another car. Coming forward has only exacerbated the harms they were already experiencing. At some point, any human will weigh the cost benefit analysis and realize it is simply too high.²

7. Shame - Victims often experience great shame following abuse, shouldering the weight of what happened as if they themselves were responsible. Fear of exposure or future shame can stop a victim from coming forward.

In this short article alone we have looked at seven legitimate reasons why a victim may choose not to report. Far from being a red flag about the veracity of an abuse claim, this is an opportunity for curiosity and compassion. Many of the underlying systemic reasons behind a victim’s choice not to report may provide much needed information about the harms experienced.

1. https://www.nbcnews.com/specials/sex-assault-convictions/

2. https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2025/06/23/what-happened-to-the-women-of-metoo?fbclid=IwQ0xDSwLKgAdleHRuA2FlbQExAAEe56EBAMyjFq5r0B_qLZjp8WBXbB0VuImLTODEOSd6CxCw5gy-MHhYy-SuOAE_aem_JweKkqdd_vOvl7Bb8_znog